This article is fantastic. The depth that the author goes to engage the subjects interviewed is a stellar example of journalism.
I think much of the problem with masculinity comes from the fact that it is considered preferable over femininity. Invariably, when describing someone who is masculine, domineering words such has strong, brave, courageous, tough, bold, aggressive, commanding are used. When people describe femininity, it is usually in submissive terms like soft, kind, considerate, beautiful. We are conditioned to fill roles from a young age, by seeing those roles played out by our elders and through media. Even today, the Rock can make two action flicks a year without anyone batting an eye, but when Brie Larson dons a superhero suit and becomes one of the most powerful heroes in cinema history, there are very mixed reactions to this. So, the foundation is laid from an early age…females exist to support males and countering that instinctive code is controversial.
Now, start to extend that foundation to puberty. Boys are getting more sexually aggressive, and they don’t even understand it, because talking about sex is still so taboo. They get erections all the time and this feeling of pent up energy that is at once embarrassing and also promoted and congratulated. Guys are lauded for their sexual prowess and conquests, honored for all the boning, pounding, laying pipe they do while girls are condemned for crossing that virgin line as sluts, whores, dirty. This starts to open a whole world of problems. Guys are competing in athletic events where they are pushed to toughen up and be a man. Girls are encouraged to explore more cerebral efforts. When they explore their athletic side, invariably they are forced into one of two categories…hot objects of physical perfection, or butch lesbians, as if they are impinging on the male dominated space.
We hear the stories of the drunk girl who passes out at a party and boys take advantage of that situation. It is a traumatic breech of trust, but the boys who do this are just fulfilling the objective they have been driven to accept their entire lives, that the conquest of women is a desirable goal.
Knowing that this is all wrong and should change, what can be done about it? For the foreseeable future, we will face families who are stuck in the 1950’s raising boys to be awful men. They will always look for opportunities to complete their fantasies at the expense of their victims. This is why feminists who argue that women should not be told to use caution under certain circumstances are so infuriating. Absolutely the ideal situation is for a woman to feel completely comfortable to drink to excess, collapse on a bed for a few hours, and never expect to be violated. The problem is that we do not enjoy that ideal experience. I would much rather empower my daughter to be prepared for what exists than to act in a manner inconsistent with reality.
The other opportunity we have is to encourage others to engage when something is wrong. I would expect that every single rapist, sexual predator, or other person willing to violate or attack others based on their unbridled masculinity has demonstrated improper behavior in front of an audience. Let’s start raising our kids to be people who will not tolerate that. Make the world inhospitable to this behaviors. When you see someone catcalling women, don’t wait for her to act, gather a few people and call them out. Be willing to stand up to this nonsense as part of a team. Remain vigilant.
This can all be fixed, but, as with so many other issues, society has to change. Our awareness of our instincts must be heightened rather than condemned, so we can appropriately manage natural urges. We have to encourage other traits in our children, ones that develop respect for others. We have work to do, and have to be willing to do it.